Joke Of The Day: Can't Lie to Mom!

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not Saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that One has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

Deadly Conventional Weapon of the Day: The 'Bunker Buster' Bomb

The 'bunker buster' bomb: The British military first conceived of steel-nosed bombs that dropped heavily and quickly enough to penetrate underground targets.

During the first Persian Gulf War, the U.S. military quickly rigged together similar weapons to attack Iraqi facilities, and then spent the next decade perfecting the concept.

Today's bunker busters are usually laser-guided missiles, either rocket powered or artillery fired.

"Instead of hitting the top [of the target] and exploding like a regular bomb, it will literally punch a hole through and then explode inside," explains Wright. "It's a very lethal weapon."




Here is a video of an AGM-130 "Bunker Buster Bomb" It was dropped by a USAF F-15...

God Bless America again!

Courtesy Fox News

Deadly Conventional Weapon of the Day: The AC-130 Aerial Gunship

The AC-130 aerial gunship: This comes in two forms, the AC-130H "Spectre" and the more heavily armed AC-130U "Spooky," both flown by the U.S. Air Force. Versions of the AC-130 were first deployed during the Vietnam War.

It's designed to hit targets on the ground or at sea, firing Gatling guns and howitzers fore, aft and to the side. The AC-130's weakness is that it flies "low and slow," making it vulnerable to surface-to-air or air-to-air missiles.

"It can do a lot of damage," explains the Pentagon's Lt. Col. Mark Wright. "It's got a 75-millimeter cannon that can blow through buildings, vehicles. It's designed for taking out protective cover. ... The combination is very lethal — it's a very feared weapons system."


AC-130 Gunship - "Puff the Magic Dragon"

AC-130 Gunship takes out Taliban fighters and various terrorists at Afghanistan location while avoiding mosque.

God Bless America again!

Courtesy Fox News

Cartoon Of The Day: Hamas

Learning to Speak Mexican

1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito
Replies: Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.

2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I Shoulder.

4. Texas
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. July
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?'

9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry wheelchair

11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing

12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment Nothing to me.

13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop

14. Body wash
I wan t to go to the club but no body wash my kids

Cartoon Of The Day: Outrage

Car Of The Future: The 2012 Pelosi GTxi Sport Edition

If it’s ever in wreck, a little Botox will straighten it right out!


Courtesy of Iowahawk

Cartoon Of The Day: Social Security

The Gas Tax: Asshole Editorial of the Day

I’m sorry but articles like this piss me off.

Reason 1,000,000,001 why newspaper reader ship is declining. This idiot from The New York Times has a brilliant plan to burden taxpayers and businesses with a tax on gas to help support the big three auto companies in order to help them create a product that most people don't want. Using this logic, couldn't they solve obesity by taxing food to the point where most people would be forced to eat less?

The Gas Tax

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President-elect Barack Obama and the Democrats in Congress seem to have a clear vision of the auto industry they think the country needs. It must be financially self-sufficient. It also must be capable of producing highly fuel-efficient, next-generation vehicles that can help the nation cope with climate change and finite supplies of oil.

Yet for all the conditions attached to it, the multibillion-dollar aid package for Detroit’s carmakers approved by the White House (with Mr. Obama’s support) fails to address one crucial question: Who will buy all the fuel-efficient cars that Detroit carmakers are supposed to make?

The danger is that too few will, especially if gasoline prices remain low. Therefore, it might be time for the president-elect and Congress to think seriously about imposing a gas tax or similar levy to keep gas prices up after the economy recovers from recession.

Americans did not buy enormous gas guzzlers just because Detroit marketed them relentlessly. They bought them because they wanted big cars — and because gas was cheap. If gas stays cheap, Americans would be less inclined to squeeze their families into a lithe fuel-efficient alternative.

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2008: The Year Man-Made Global Warming Was Disproved

The people that fell for this scam should also be wondering about other things they believe in now. Perhaps the person they voted for won’t bring “Change” after all.

2008 was the year man-made global warming was disproved

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The first, on May 21, headed "Climate change threat to Alpine ski resorts" , reported that the entire Alpine "winter sports industry" could soon "grind to a halt for lack of snow". The second, on December 19, headed "The Alps have best snow conditions in a generation" , reported that this winter's Alpine snowfalls "look set to beat all records by New Year's Day".

Easily one of the most important stories of 2008 has been all the evidence suggesting that this may be looked back on as the year when there was a turning point in the great worldwide panic over man-made global warming. Just when politicians in Europe and America have been adopting the most costly and damaging measures politicians have ever proposed, to combat this supposed menace, the tide has turned in three significant respects.

First, all over the world, temperatures have been dropping in a way wholly unpredicted by all those computer models which have been used as the main drivers of the scare. Last winter, as temperatures plummeted, many parts of the world had snowfalls on a scale not seen for decades. This winter, with the whole of Canada and half the US under snow, looks likely to be even worse. After several years flatlining, global temperatures have dropped sharply enough to cancel out much of their net rise in the 20th century.

Ever shriller and more frantic has become the insistence of the warmists, cheered on by their army of media groupies such as the BBC, that the last 10 years have been the "hottest in history" and that the North Pole would soon be ice-free – as the poles remain defiantly icebound and those polar bears fail to drown. All those hysterical predictions that we are seeing more droughts and hurricanes than ever before have infuriatingly failed to materialise.

Even the more cautious scientific acolytes of the official orthodoxy now admit that, thanks to "natural factors" such as ocean currents, temperatures have failed to rise as predicted (although they plaintively assure us that this cooling effect is merely "masking the underlying warming trend", and that the temperature rise will resume worse than ever by the middle of the next decade).

Secondly, 2008 was the year when any pretence that there was a "scientific consensus" in favour of man-made global warming collapsed. At long last, as in the Manhattan Declaration last March, hundreds of proper scientists, including many of the world's most eminent climate experts, have been rallying to pour scorn on that "consensus" which was only a politically engineered artefact, based on ever more blatantly manipulated data and computer models programmed to produce no more than convenient fictions.

Thirdly, as banks collapsed and the global economy plunged into its worst recession for decades, harsh reality at last began to break in on those self-deluding dreams which have for so long possessed almost every politician in the western world. As we saw in this month's Poznan conference, when 10,000 politicians, officials and "environmentalists" gathered to plan next year's "son of Kyoto" treaty in Copenhagen, panicking politicians are waking up to the fact that the world can no longer afford all those quixotic schemes for "combating climate change" with which they were so happy to indulge themselves in more comfortable times.

Suddenly it has become rather less appealing that we should divert trillions of dollars, pounds and euros into the fantasy that we could reduce emissions of carbon dioxide by 80 per cent. All those grandiose projects for "emissions trading", "carbon capture", building tens of thousands more useless wind turbines, switching vast areas of farmland from producing food to "biofuels", are being exposed as no more than enormously damaging and futile gestures, costing astronomic sums we no longer possess.

As 2009 dawns, it is time we in Britain faced up to the genuine crisis now fast approaching from the fact that – unless we get on very soon with building enough proper power stations to fill our looming "energy gap" - within a few years our lights will go out and what remains of our economy will judder to a halt. After years of infantile displacement activity, it is high time our politicians – along with those of the EU and President Obama's US – were brought back with a mighty jolt into contact with the real world.

I must end this year by again paying tribute to my readers for the wonderful generosity with which they came to the aid of two causes. First their donations made it possible for the latest "metric martyr", the east London market trader Janet Devers, to fight Hackney council's vindictive decision to prosecute her on 13 criminal charges, ranging from selling in pounds and ounces to selling produce "by the bowl" (to avoid using weights her customers dislike and don't understand). The embarrassment caused by this historic battle has thrown the forced metrication policy of both our governments, in London and Brussels, into total disarray.

Since Hackney backed out of allowing four criminal charges against Janet to go before a jury next month, all that remains is for her to win her appeal in February against eight convictions which now look quite absurd (including those for selling veg by the bowl, as thousands of other London market traders do every day). The final goal, as Neil Herron of the Metric Martyrs Defence Fund insists, must then be a pardon for the late Steve Thoburn and the four other original "martyrs" who were found guilty in 2002 – after a legal battle also made possible by this column's readers – of breaking laws so ridiculous that the EU Commission has even denied they existed (but which are still on the statute book).

Readers were equally generous this year in rushing to the aid of Sue Smith, whose son was killed in a Snatch Land Rover in Iraq in 2005. Their contributions made it possible for her to carry on with the High Court action she has brought against the Ministry of Defence, with the sole aim of calling it to account for needlessly risking soldiers' lives by sending them into battle in hopelessly inappropriate vehicles. Thanks not least to Mrs Smith's determined fight, the Snatch Land Rover scandal, first reported here in 2006, has at last become a national cause celebre.

May I finally thank all those readers who have written to me in 2008 – so many that, as usual, it has not been possible to answer all their messages. But their support and information has been hugely appreciated. May I wish them and all of you a happy (if globally not too warm) New Year.

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Chrysler Starts Spending Tax Payer Bail-out Money with 'Thank You America' Ad

American taxpayers will be glad to know that the folks over at cash-strapped Chrysler LLC thank them for the approved government loan of $4 billion that they received to help bridge the current economic crunch. In fact, Chrysler is so thankful that it created a new "Thank You America" print advertisement.

First of all, if Chrysler wanted to be accurate, it should have thanked the Bush Administration and their political supporters in their decision to offer both Chrysler and GM a bailout loan - we didn't see any American taxpayers vote on the matter, did you? If you ask us, Chrysler LLC's decision to spend money -it doesn't matter how much- on a print ad thanking Americans for bailing them out was an unnecessary move. With so many media outlets of all sorts, a press release is more than adequate these days to get your message out to millions of people. Total waste of money that could have gone into saving a job or two.

Source: Carscoop

Quote Of The Day

You know how bad the economy is?

This week, Exxon Mobil had to lay off 25 congressmen. ~ Jay Leno

Jeff Gordon Takes Advantage of a Government Bailout

Jeff Gordon made the decision to fire his entire NASCAR pit crew and take advantage of a Government bailout plan that would employ Chicago Ghetto Kids. This was brought about by a documentary on how the Chicago Ghetto Kids were able to remove 4 tires in less than 6 seconds without Hi-Tech Equiptment - whereas Gordon's existing crew could only perform this task in 8 seconds with millions of dollars woth of equipment

This was thought to be an excellent and very bold move by Jeff Gordon as most races are won or lost in the pit stop. However. Gordon got more than he bargained for.

At the crew's 1st practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-painted the car installed 4 rolls of duct tape in problem areas & sold the car to Dale Earnhard Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed and several nude photo's of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower

Cartoon Of The Day

The Electric Fence Incident

Some people send newsletters every Christmas to keep friends and family informed as to what happened during the year. Well this is my version but it is only about one incident last summer.

We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard and I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire neighborhood.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm cutting the grass in my back yard with my 6 hp mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap and pee at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do both at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Ford turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go. I grew up near a farm so I know all about electric fences... but my father always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 98 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground a while later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 - Poop and pee when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you might think.
4 - My left eye will not open.
5 - My right eye will not close.
6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 - My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long
8 - I can turn on the TV in the family room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still dont understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Joke Of The Day

Two guys are walking down the street
One guy see's a dog licking himself, and says
"I wish I could do that"
The other guy turns to him and says
"Why dont you try petting him first"

Gifts to Give Real Men

This is from an email I received.

Buying gifts for men isn't nearly as complicated as it is for women.

So, don't worry, this timely list of rules will answer all your gift-giving questions for the men on your list.

Rule #1
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill.
It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he is yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the
word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words.
"Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"Sure. By the way, are you through with my 3/8" socket?"

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer, or something to
hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their car.

Rule #4
Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if men were supposed to wear bathrobes, jockey shorts would not have been invented.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy the man on your list a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips.
Forget the program - your entertainment will be watching him have fun!

Rule #6
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
cologne. Men believe they do not smell - they are earthy.

Rule #7
Buy men label makers. They're almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks, there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea.

Rule #8
Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the
instructions because the box says, "Some assembly required."
It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.

Rule #9
Good places to shop for men include: Home Depot, Wal-Mart, $ Dollar Store, Lumberyard, Speed Shops, RV Center and Goodyear Tire, Pool Halls and Pawnshops. Napa Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Center are also excellent. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From Napa Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a ''68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks!"

Rule #10
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook, but love to barbeque. Get him a monster barbeque with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him to build a deck for it.Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge!

Rule #11
Tickets or Pay per View to any NFL or NHL ball game is a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Rule #12
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, refer to rule #7 (remember what happens with a label maker?)

Rule #13
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an 'extension' ladder.

Rule #14
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" yellow or blue manila rope.

Rule #15
In lieu of good rope, consider getting him a heavy-duty extension cord. It should be at least 75-100 feet, and it must be either bright yellow or international orange. He'll use it for everything, even if the job is only 10 feet from the power outlet.

Rule # 16
Never, ever buy them house slippers. Only leather moccasins.
They will think they are Tonto or out camping somewhere. Macho thing.

Cartoon Of The Day

Picture Of The Day

I could see the Liberal media trying to pass this picture off as real with the headline: "Thanks to Sarah Palin, Rudolph won’t be playing reindeer games anymore".

Sarah Palin: Conservative of the Year

Human Events named Sarah Palin their Conservative of the Year the other day and as usual, Ann Coulter has a rather excellent and humorous way of telling it like it is (or was).

Sarah Palin: Conservative of the Year

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Sarah Palin wins HUMAN EVENTS’ prestigious “Conservative of the Year” Award for 2008 for her genius at annoying all the right people. The last woman to get liberals this hot under the collar would have been … let's see now … oh, yeah: Me!

The entire presidential election year was kind of a downer for conservatives. Once the “maverick” John McCain won the nomination, the rest of the year was like watching a slow motion car crash. Except at least a slow-motion car crash is occasionally entertaining. So it was going to be a long year.

Until Palin.

When McCain chose our beauteous Sarah as his running mate, the maverick was finally acting like a real maverick -- as opposed to the media’s definition of a “maverick” which is: “agreeing with the editorial positions of the New York Times.”

Pre-Palin it had been one race -- boring old “You kids get off my lawn!” John McCain versus the exciting, new politician Barack Obama, who threw caution to the wind and bravely ran as the Pro-Hope candidate. And then our heroic Sarah bounded out of the Alaska tundra and it became a completely different race. This left the press completely discombobulated and upset. They didn't know whether to attack Sarah for not having an abortion or go after her husband for not being a sissy.

I assume Palin was chosen because McCain had heard that she was a real conservative and he had always wanted to meet one -- no, actually because he needed a conservative on the ticket, but that he had no idea that picking her would send the left into a tailspin of wanton despair.

But if anyone on the McCain campaign chose Palin because she would drive liberals crazy, my hat is off to him!

True, Palin made some embarrassing gaffes.

She complained that we didn’t have enough “Arabic translators” in Afghanistan -- not realizing the natives don’t speak Arabic in Afghanistan, but rather a variety of regional dialects, the most common of which is Pashtun.

Speaking to military veterans one time, Palin said, “Our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

She bragged about passing a law regulating the nuclear industry that it turned out never became a law at all.

Some days Palin said Venezuela's dictator Hugo Chavez should suffer "regional isolation" -- but then on others she’d say she supported the president’s meeting with Chavez.

She told one audience about recent tornados in Kansas that had killed 10,000 people. In fact, a dozen people were killed in the tornados.

She referred to the “57 states” that make up the U.S.

Speaking of her eldest daughter’s pregnancy, she said Bristol was being “punished” with a baby.

As you probably know -- or guessed by now -- none of these gaffes were uttered by Palin. They are all Obama gaffes. Luckily, he made them to a star-struck press that managed not to ask him a difficult question for two years.

It seemed like the media would introduce an all-new double standard each day throughout the two glorious months of Palin’s candidacy.

I don’t remember, for example, zealous inquiries into the supposedly peculiar religious practices of any candidates in past elections. No one in the press touched on Sen. Joe Lieberman’s religious beliefs when he was Kerry’s running mate. (Nor, while we’re on the subject, was the media particularly interested in the beliefs of the religion that inspired the 9/11 attacks on America.)

But the press snapped right back into their anti-religious hysteria for a candidate who was a Pentecostal! The same media that couldn’t be bothered to investigate Obama’s ties to former Weathermen or Syrian Nationalist Tony Rezko was soon hot on the trail of a rumor that Palin’s church had a speaker 30 years ago who spoke in tongues!

Let me think now: Were there ever any unusual or otherwise noteworthy speeches or sermons given in churches where Obama worshipped? Hmmm … it's on the tip of my tongue.

Liberals also suddenly decided that a woman with children could not handle the stress of higher office. Until Palin reared her beautiful head, this is precisely the sort of thinking liberals would have denounced as the Neanderthal, backwards, good old boy network attitude that had created a “glass ceiling.”

Let’s consider the facts: Palin’s oldest son was about to be under the tender care of Gen. David Petraeus after being shipped off to Iraq. Her next oldest child was about to be married and probably would prefer that her parents butt out. That left three children under the age of 15, which was almost the same as Obama had.

So Palin had one more child -- and a lot more executive experience -- than the guy at the top of the Democrats’ ticket. (I suspect what liberals were really mad about was that if Palin became Vice President, she probably would have hired a nanny who was a U.S. citizen.)

Having indignantly rejected experience as a presidential qualification in the case of Obama, liberals had to raise questions about Palin’s experience gingerly. But, in short order, they threw caution to the wind and began energetically criticizing Palin for her lack of experience. I call that two … two … two standards in one!

Like most Democrats, both Obama and Biden boasted of their humble beginnings, while having fully adopted the attitudes, pomposity and style of the elites.

Meanwhile, Palin is the sort of genuine American that brings out the worst, most egregious pomposity of liberals. For weeks, Carl Bernstein was showing up on TV to announce: “We still don’t have the date of first issuance of her passport.” Members of the establishment would be astonished to learn that more Americans have guns than passports.

Liberals were angry at Palin because they thought she should look and act like Kay Bailey Hutchinson: Upper crust, prissy and stiff.

Palin had a husband in the Steelworkers Union, a sister and brother-in-law who owned a gas station, and five attractive children -- one headed for Iraq, one a Down’s syndrome baby and one the cutest little girl anyone had ever seen.

In a nutshell, Palin was everything Democrats are always pretending to be, but never are.

She didn’t have to conjure up implausible images of herself duck hunting as Hillary Clinton did. Nor was Palin the typical Democratic elected female official who went straight from college into politics, like Nita Lowey.

Despite their phony championing of “women’s issues” (i.e. abortion) there was not one Democrat woman who could win a head-to-head contest with Palin. Especially not if we got to see their faces. Democrats may have a fleet of women politicians, but they don’t have a deep bench of attractive ones. You don’t even think of most Democratic woman as women: Rosa Delauro, Nita Lowey, Patty Murray, Janet Napolitano -- and the list goes on. Oh, sure, there are the odd female Democrat sex kittens -- your Janet Renos, your Donna Shalalas -- but they're the exception to the rule.

After Palin gave her barnburner of a speech at the Republican National Convention, a friend of mine in a liberal industry told me his friends were aggressively confronting him demanding to know if Palin was raised by a secret cult of Christians that taught children nothing but Creationism and public speaking.

Oh, how I wish he had said “yes.” Imagine the aneurisms! I think what liberals were to say was: Gosh, she’s an exceptionally attractive mother of five!

The Obama campaign was so alarmed by Palin’s speech, it loudly dismissed the speech saying she didn’t write it. At least that’s what a press release written by an Obama campaign staffer said.

Indeed, the first words out of every Palin critic's mouth were: "Good speech, but she didn't write it." So I guess all liberals were reading the same talking points written for them by the Obama campaign. At least Palin pays her speechwriters. Neil Kinnock is still waiting for his check.

Speaking of Joe Biden, he said that Palin’s speech had a lot of style but little substance. Inasmuch as Biden was Obama's running mate, I think that meant he liked it!

A newspaper in Boston responded to Palin’s speech by interviewing hairdressers who criticized Sarah's hairstyle. (Where were these people after Joe Biden's speech?)

Trendy dinner party opinion soon demanded that all liberals take up the cry that Palin must let the press have a whack at her. Almost immediately after she was introduced to the nation, the cry went up: “When are we going to be allowed to ask Palin questions?”

Palin’s refusal to meet with the press for one week after being chosen as McCain’s running mate was evidently more maddening than Obama's refusal to appear on Fox News for almost the entirety of his campaign.

Everyone acted as if Obama’s feat of running for President for two years constituted a complete and thorough vetting.

It might have been, except that the entire media had apparently agreed: “OK, none of us will ask Obama about Tony Rezko, William Ayers, and Jeremiah Wright.”

Hillary was hissed by the audience for mentioning Rezko at a Democratic debate and George Stephanopoulos nearly lost his career for asking Obama one William Ayers question at another.

Osama bin Laden was more upset about the Rev. Jeremiah Wright than liberals were -- especially after "Jeremiah Wright videos" passed "al Qaeda videos" for most total viewings on Youtube. (He was kicking himself for not coming up with that “God Damn America” line first!)

Who cares if Palin was qualified to be President? She was running with John McCain! There was no chance that ticket was going to place her anywhere near the presidency. In fact, I can’t think of a better place to put someone you wanted to keep away from the White House than on a ticket with McCain.

Palin was a kick in the pants, she energized conservatives, and she made liberal heads explode. Other than his brave military service, introducing Sarah Palin to Americans is the greatest thing John McCain ever did for his country.

But unless Palin is going to be the perpetual running mate of “moderate” Republicans who need conservative bona fides, she will need to become wiser and better read. Even Reagan didn’t run for President in his 40s. (True Obama is in his 40s, but we are not Democrats.)

Perhaps Palin’s year is 2012, but I would recommend that she take a little more time to become older and wiser. She ought to spend the next decade being a good governor, tending to her children so none of them turn out like Ron Reagan Jr., and reading everything Phyllis Schlafly, Thomas Sowell, Ronald Reagan and “Publius” have ever written. (She also might keep in mind that HUMAN EVENTS was Ronald Reagan’s favorite newspaper!)

In time, HUMAN EVENTS’ 2008 Conservative of the Year will be ready to be our President and someday can sweep into office and dismantle all the heinous government programs Obama and the Democrats are about to foist on the nation. Who knows? She might even be able to run as the candidate of "hope" and "change."

---

Joke Of The Day: Three Women in a Sauna

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "that was my pager," she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end the others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said.........well, will you look at that... I'm getting a fax!

Cartoon Of The Day: Pay Raise

Sock It To The Holidays!

Climbing the charts this Holiday Season.



Happy Holidays From The Loomis Agency, Dallas, TX

The Seven Dwarfs Go To The Vatican

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are the The Seven Dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, ’No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'

Educational Emails

I just want to take a moment and thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

And to think that this all could have been avoided if you only checked on www.snopes.com before hitting the FWD and SEND buttons on your computer!

The Seven Kinds Of Sex

The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... **** You.'

The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And Last ... But not least ...
The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.

Elvis Presley and Celine Dion - If I Can Dream

The entertainment for this weekend; Elvis Presley and Celine Dion perform "If I Can Dream" on 'American Idol'.

I'm pretty sure that if Elvis were alive, this probably would have killed him.



As you can see this 'American Idol' version with Celine Dion just doesn't cut it. It would have been better had she sang the song by herself, leaving Elvis out. Celine Dion has a great voice in her own right, but trying to mix in with Elvis is just wrong!

Compare:

Cartoon Of The Day: Red Ink

Cartoon Of The Day

Here Is Something To Drive You Crazy

Click on the ball to change it's color...

This will drive you crazy but it can be done 

Ball

Burger King's Flame: For The Man That Wants To Smell Like Meat.

Burger King has released a body spray for men, called Flame and now, every man, whether just starting out on his career ladder, or already at the top, can at least SMELL like he works at Burger King!

Count me in!

"Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

Burger King’s scent of love now flame broiled

---

Burger King is hoping to be known as more than “The Home of the Whopper.”

This weekend, the fast food chain rolled out “Flame,” a new men’s body spray billed as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

And an informal survey by the Boston Herald found that there are men out there who’d wear it - even one who seemed to be named after a meat.

“It’s very nice,” said Salami Caushi, 55 and a South Boston resident, who was sipping hot coffee at the Burger King on Broadway yesterday.

As his companion grimaced, Caushi sprayed the scent on his wrist, and then took a long sniff of Flame for men.

“Yes, nice,” he said.

Tony Rama, who was sitting downwind of Caushi, strongly disagreed. “It’s much too heavy,” he said.

A few tables away, Reno Hoxhallari, 29 and from Medford, was taken aback by the burger joint’s new product.

“It’s got to be a joke,” he said, as he scrutinized a photo of the chain’s cartoonish King, languishing by the fire, wearing his crown and little else.

Two days ago - just in time for the holidays - the fast food chain began selling the body spray, for $4 a bottle, at Rickey’s, a New York City retailer, and on the Web site, http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/.

Yesterday, after the company distributed samples to various news organizations, the Herald took it on a trial run.

“It smells like cinnamon,” said Alyse Hawco, 14, of Dorchester. She was at Burger King enjoying a post-school snack with some friends.

“I’d buy it for my brother,” she said.

Up the street, at a crowded corner on Broadway, a group of men in their 20s were initially skeptical about the fragrance.

“Flame??” one man said. “I think they should change the name.”

Another guy wondered if it would “make me break out.”

But after their female companion said she liked it, their opinions appeared to shift.

“Yeah, I’d think about it,” said Jaime, a native Cape Codder.

“Do you think it’ll make girls swarm?” he asked his friends.

---

Joke Of The Day

The Israelis and Arabs finally realized that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight. The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed them the best food. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine.

After the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast. When the day of the big fight arrived, the Israelis showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund.

Everyone felt sorry for the Israelis. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Arab camp. The bookies predicted the Arabs would win in less than a minute. The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the center of the ring.

The Arab dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, shaking their heads in disbelief. 'We do not understand,' said their leader. 'Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine.'

'Really?' the Israeli General replied. 'For five years, we've had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'

Water, Wine & Beer

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is BACTERIA. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia Coli, (E. Coli bacteria) - found in feaces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of POOP.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = POOP. Wine and Beer = HEALTH.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine/beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of SHIT.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service."

Cartoon Of The Day: The Shoe Thrower

Cartoon Of The Day: Obama's Tax Plan

Pooping Obama Is An Online Best-Seller

Tiny plastic figures of Barack Obama and Gordon Brown relieving themselves in public have become online bestsellers.

They are among a host of politicians, sports stars and celebrities to be given the dubious honour of being turned into a 'caganer'.

Catalonians traditionally celebrate Christmas by placing a caganer, which translates as pooper, in a nativity scene.

People find it fun to try to spot the tiny defecating figures which are supposed to bring prosperity and a good harvest.

Traditionally, caganers would be small bearded men in full Catalan costume but these days, it's more likely to be a celebrity. Last year, Barcelona footballer Thierry Henry was the most popular figure sold.

But this year, Internet orders from the rest of the world, especially the US, have made Barack Obama the best-seller.

Others immortalised into the mini figures include Mr Brown, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni, plus Spanish tennis star Rafael Nadal.

Source

How to Insult People Around the World

George Bush had two shoes hurled at him by an Iraqi journalist who wanted to make an example of the outgoing President by paying him the highest insult in Baghdad yesterday.

While in Iraq the act of throwing your shoes at someone is a sign of contempt. In other countries there are many weird and wonderful ways to cast an insult to those who you dislike.

Here's Mirror.co.uk's guide on how not to make friends around the world.

1. If you are handed a business card in Japan you can cause maximum offence by throwing it down on your desk or stuffing it in your back pocket as the exchange of business card here is meant to be a well thought out practice.

2. In the Philippines a curled beckoning forefinger isn’t used to summon someone over but rather to call them a dog. But the insult is punishable by arrest and even breaking the finger that committed the offense so use with caution.

3. In India and Africa where people use their hands to eat, it is considered an insult to use your left hand as this is thought to be ‘unclean’ and used only for a related function which follows several hours later.

4. In Scandinavia to show distaste keep your chin down during a bottoms-up because it is understood as highly offensive to look down at your feet while drinking a toast.

5. If you blow your nose into a hankerchief in Japan you’ll insult those around you because the Japanese word for snot literally means ‘nose shit’ and the idea of carrying this around all day is thought to be digusting.

6. To insult someone in Korea you simply have to smile because smiling at a stranger is thought to be very rude and a clear indication that you believe them to be stupid.

7. While the thumb and forefinger forming the letter ‘O’ is a western sign for OK in Russia it is understood to be an insult with sexual connotations. This could come in handy if you need to show your unhappiness with the service in a Russian hotel when on holiday.

8. In Buddhist countries the most offensive thing somone can do is pat a person on the head as the head is thought to be the seat of the soul.

9. In Argentina it is considered an insult if you turn up for a dinner date on time because this is thought to be a sign of greed rather than politeness. To keep everyone happy you should turn up a little late but if you want to make a point get their early and tuck-in.

10. In North America you're sure to cause an uproar if you mistake an American for a Canadian or vice versa as both neighbours are very senstive about this confusion.

Cartoon Of The Day

Hickbonics

HICKBONICS The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.

Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?”

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”

Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.

Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.

Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20,000,000 in improvements.”

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.

Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.

Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.

Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”

Usage: “Them bammer boys sure are ignert!”

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.

Usage: “I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.

Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.”

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.

Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tarin my pickup truck.”

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.

Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.

Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.

Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh.”

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.

Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed…must be from some farn country.”

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.

Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”

EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.

Usage: “He cain’t breathe…give ‘im some ear!”

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.

Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”

HAZE - a contraction.

Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah…haze ignert. He ain’t thanked but a minnit’n ‘is laf.”

SEED - (verb) - past tense of “to see”.

VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.

Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.

Usage: “Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.”

We Ain't Rich Yet, But We Will Be Because Of Barack Obama

Check out this audio. A woman is obviously dealing with a repo company, but she aint having any of it. She says she aint rich; but she will be this year because we have Barack Obama!



Previously:
Peggy Joseph Thinks Obama Is Going To Pay For Her Gas And Mortgage

How the Tradition of the Little Angel on Top of the Christmas Tree Started

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas Tree.

Picture Of The Day

You want me to do what? 

(The look on this dog's face is priceless)

Even man's best friend has his limits!

Cartoon Of The Day: The End Of The Dinosaur Media

A Message from the Big 3

The Mustang Ranch and the Bailout

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law,
tried to run it.

They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country and 700+ Billion Dollars to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house
and selling booze.

Now if that doesn't make you nervous, what does?

Cartoon Of The Day: If At First You Don't Succeed

Ann Coulter Celebrates The End Of Print Media

I could not agree with Ann more. I stopped reading the newspapers years ago.

Ann Coulter: "Hallelujah" Print is Dead!

Cartoon Of The Day: Obama Cool

Oh the hypocrisy!

Joke If The Day: Three Irishmen

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean, and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night, and found themselves on a road which led past the old graveyard.

“Come have a look over here,” says Paddy. “It’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.”

“That’s nothing,” says Sean. “Here’s one named Patrick O’Toole. Says here that he was 95 when he died.”

Just then, Seamus yells out, “Good God! Here’s a fella that’s 145!”

“What was his name?” asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Dublin.”

Picture Of The Day: Typical Obama Voter

This explains everything!

Source: The Peoples Cube

Cartoon Character Test

Everyone has the personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end of this post before you are done.

Then e-mail this link to all your friends (including the person who sent it to you) and change the subject of the message to what character represents you.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)< /B>

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts )
e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts)
d) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
b) Christmas(3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving(5 p ts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts..)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you're never out of style, you are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8.Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9.Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!