Staring at Women's Breasts Increases Life Expectancy

Just think... the life expectancy of the average TSA employee is about to go up with the widespread use of full-body imaging.

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A rather bizarre study carried out by German researchers suggests that staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and increases their life expectancy.

According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and author of the study, gawking at women’s breasts is a healthy practice, almost at par with an intense exercise regime, that prolongs the lifespan of a man by five years.

She added, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out."

A five-year research on 500 men
Researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany did an in-depth analysis of 200 healthy males over a period of five years. Half the volunteers were instructed to ogle at the breasts of women daily, while the rest were told to refrain from doing so.

At the close of the study, the researchers noted that the men who stared at the breasts of females on a regular basis exhibited lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and lesser episodes of coronary artery disease.

Sexual desire linked to better blood circulation
The researchers declared that sexual desire gives rise to better blood circulation that signifies an overall improved health.

Weatherby explained the concept stating, "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthy.

"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."

In addition, she also recommended that men over 40 should gaze at larger breasts daily for 10 minutes.

The German research is believed to be published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Source...

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Too bad but according to Snopes, this is false.

A Recnet Stduy at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Joke Of The Day

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart..'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Cartoon Of The Day: Interrogation

Ted Nugent Discusses the Second Amendment

You have to love Ted Nugent. He tells it like it is and takes no prisoners.

In this clip he discusses the 2nd Amendment with Evan Smith, host of the KLRU program Texas Monthly Talks.



Hat tip Uncle Art

Joke Of The Day

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.

Later that night Aunt Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Cartoon Of The Day

Nanny of the Year 2009!

In 2009, America's meddlers worked overtime minding other people's business.

Nanny of the Month winners have targeted everything from fish pedicures to feeding the homeless. But there can be only one Nanny of the Year.

Who took home top honors as the year's biggest buttinsky?

Click the video to find out.

Joke Of The Day

There was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone' he hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said "Good morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone.

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn`t die!

The moral of the story is... you can`t kill two birds with one stone!

Blonde Joke Of The Day

Blonde Year in Review

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.

March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years".

April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."

October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember "Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey." 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said President Obama: "As the President With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as members of the government to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Attention: This is a joke, but so close to reality it is scary!

Cartoon Of The Day

Deadly Conventional Weapon of the Day: The XM-25

This weapon is so smart it can pick off an enemy no matter where he's hiding.

God Bless America!

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At first glance, the XM-25 looks like something out of a Sci-Fi movie. It features an array of sights, sensors and lasers housed in a Target Acquisition Fire Control unit on top, an oversized magazine behind the trigger mechanism, and a short, ominous barrel wrapped by a recoil dampening sleeve.

Unlike a Hollywood prop, however, this weapon is very real and designed to accurately deliver an explosive round that neutralizes targets at distances of up to 700 meters - well past the range of the rifles and carbines that most Soldiers carry today.

"What makes this weapon system truly revolutionary is the ability to target the enemy, pass on this information to the sensors and microchips of its 25mm HEAB round, and have that round detonate over the target," explained Maj. Shawn Murray, a Soldier Weapons assistant product manager in PEO Soldier, the organization responsible for developing the XM-25.

Read more...

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Iranian Protesters are Dying for Freedom – Where is Barack Hussein Obama?

The answer... On vacation in Hawaii working on another nitwit plan to win over Ahmadinejad with diplomacy and mutual respect.

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I wrote back in June about the shameful silence of the Obama administration during the mass street protests that greeted Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s fraudulent re-election victory as President of Iran. As White House spokesman Robert Gibbs ludicrously put it, the administration was “impressed by the vigorous debate and enthusiasm this election generated.” Or in Vice President Joe Biden’s words on NBC’s Meet the Press, describing Ahmadinejad’s victory – “we’re going to withhold comment… I mean we’re just waiting to see.”

Embarrassingly for Washington, even many European leaders showed more backbone in condemning the Iranian regime’s brutal suppression of protestors, with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton humiliatingly outflanked by her French and German counterparts, who had no qualms about speaking out swiftly and firmly against the election result and the actions of the Iranian government.

In the six months that have followed, Barack Obama’s high-risk engagement strategy has simply encouraged more repression from the Mullahs, as well as ever greater levels of defiance over Iran’s nuclear weapons programme. As Con Coughlin noted in an excellent piece for The Wall Street Journal last month, Obama’s Iran diplomacy isn’t working:

“Iranian human-rights groups say that since the government crackdown began in late June, at least 400 demonstrators have been killed while another 56 are unaccounted, which is several times higher than the official figures. The regime has established a chain of unofficial, makeshift prisons to deal with the protesters, where torture and rape are said to be commonplace. In Tehran alone, 37 young Iranian men and women are reported to have been raped by their captors.”

Now once again huge street protests have flared up on the streets of Tehran and a number of other major cities, with several protesters shot dead this weekend by the security forces and Revolutionary Guards, reportedly including the nephew of opposition leader Mir Hossein Mousavi, and dozens seriously injured. And again there is deafening silence from the Commander-in-Chief as well as his Secretary of State. And where is the president? On vacation in Hawaii, no doubt recuperating from his exertions driving forward the monstrous health care reform bill against the overwhelming will of the American public and without a shred of bipartisan support.

This is not however a time for fence-sitting by the leader of the free world. The president should be leading international condemnation of the suppression of pro-democracy protesters, and calling on the Iranian dictatorship to free the thousands of political dissidents held in its torture chambers. Just as Ronald Reagan confronted the evils of Soviet Communism, Barack Obama should support the aspirations of the Iranian people to be free. The United States has a major role to play in inspiring and advancing freedom in Iran, and the president should make it clear that the American people are on the side of those brave Iranians who are laying down their lives for liberty in the face of tyranny.

Source...

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Joke Of The Day

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requests shelter there.

Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.

After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs where she was met by two of the Brothers.

The first one says, "Hello, I am Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity,
who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turned to the other Brother and says "then you must be....?"

....."Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."

Cartoon Of The Day

Why Should the Wedding Ring be Worn on the Fourth Finger?

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.

The Thumb represents your Parents
The Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
The Middle finger represents your Self
The Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner, and
The Last (Little) finger represents your Children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip.

example
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).

You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!

Pass this on!

Joke Of The Day

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.

The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."

The successful man spits something into his hand. "You've got to keep your worms warm."

Cartoon Of The Day

Hat tip The Conservative Old Hippie

Muslim Terrorist Attempts to Detonate Explosive Aboard Detroit Bound Plane

Let me get this straight: A Muslim with a visa that indicates he wants to go to the US to attend a "religious celebration" on Christmas day is allowed to board a US flight with a one-way ticket? What more did the security screeners want? The signs were all there; Christmas day, a One-way ticket and a Nigerian Muslim.

We almost had a Christmas Day “Man-Caused Disaster” on our hands.

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A Nigerian man who said he was an agent for al Qaeda tried to blow up a Northwest Airlines plane Friday as it was preparing to land in Detroit, but travelers who smelled smoke and heard what sounded like firecrackers rushed to subdue him, the passengers and federal officials said.

Flight 253 with 278 passengers aboard was about 20 minutes from the airport when passengers heard popping noises, witnesses said. At least one person climbed over others and jumped on the man. Shortly afterward, the suspect was taken to the front of the plane with his pants cut off and his legs burned, a passenger said.

One U.S. intelligence official said the explosive device was a mix of powder and liquid. It failed when the passenger tried to detonate it.

Read more...

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Joke Of The Day

A Kindergarten teacher was giving a lesson to her pupils, and she asked them, "OK, if three birds are sitting on a fence, and I shoot one, how many are left?"

One of the boys raised his hand and the teacher called on him, "None," he answered. "No, I'm sorry, the answer is TWO," the teacher replied. "But," returned the boy, "if you shot at one bird, wouldn't the other two fly away?" "Well, that's still not the right answer," began the teacher, "but I like the way you think!"

"OK, now I have a question for you," started the boy. "If three women are standing on a sidewalk eating ice cream and one is just nibbling at it, one is really licking it, and the other is shoving it deep down into her throat... how can you tell which one is married?"

"Now, I really don't like this question," lectured the teacher, "but I would have to say it is the third one." The boy glanced casually at his teacher, "Nope, it is the one wearing the ring... But," he added, "I like the way you think."

Cartoon Of The Day: New Year for Miserable Democrats

Merry Christmas!

May all my family, friends and readers have a very Merry Christmas!

Joke Of The Day

There's a Russian, a Mexican, and an American standing at the edge of a cliff and have to throw something into the ocean of what they have most in there country. The Russian takes off his long hat and says, "I have a lot of these in my country", and throws it in. Then the Mexican goes next and takes out a taco and says, "I have a lot of these in my country", and throws it in. Then, the American went next and thinks about what he has most in his country and grabs the Mexican and says, "I have a lot of these in my country and throws him in."

Cartoon Of The Day

Psychological Christmas Songs

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town
. . . or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell . . .

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

I Like Guns

Steve Lee has just released an album dedicated solely on his love of guns called “I Like Guns”. Steve is also the lead guitarist of the popular country music band The Lee’s.

Enjoy!

Merry Christmas From the United States Senate

Cartoon Of The Day

Joke Of The Day

One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $500 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit you have to spot me two ‘gotchas.’” The golf pro didn’t know what a “gotcha” was, but he went along with it. And off they went.

Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $500. “What happened?” asked one of the members.

“Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my crotch while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”

Ronald Reagan Christmas Address 1981

In a world of political correctness and Christmas culture wars, Reagan's national address is almost unbelievable! It is a breath of fresh Christmas air!

What happened to the politicians like him who are not afraid to hold fast to the Christian faith despite what others think or say about their Christmas beliefs?

God help us by sending more like him back into our country!

49er Fans At An Eagles Game

Watch this video, taken at Lincoln Financial Field during the Philadelphia - San Francisco game, very closely. See if you can spot the 49er fans sitting in the crowd.

Poster Of The Day: Bend Over America

Midnight Votes, Backroom Deals, and a Death Panel

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Last weekend while you were preparing for the holidays with your family, Harry Reid’s Senate was making shady backroom deals to ram through the Democrat health care take-over. The Senate ended debate on this bill without even reading it. That and midnight weekend votes seem to be standard operating procedures in D.C. No one is certain of what’s in the bill, but Senator Jim DeMint spotted one shocking revelation regarding the section in the bill describing the Independent Medicare Advisory Board (now called the Independent Payment Advisory Board), which is a panel of bureaucrats charged with cutting health care costs on the backs of patients – also known as rationing. Apparently Reid and friends have changed the rules of the Senate so that the section of the bill dealing with this board can’t be repealed or amended without a 2/3 supermajority vote. Senator DeMint said:

“This is a rule change. It’s a pretty big deal. We will be passing a new law and at the same time creating a senate rule that makes it out of order to amend or even repeal the law. I’m not even sure that it’s constitutional, but if it is, it most certainly is a senate rule. I don’t see why the majority party wouldn’t put this in every bill. If you like your law, you most certainly would want it to have force for future senates. I mean, we want to bind future congresses. This goes to the fundamental purpose of senate rules: to prevent a tyrannical majority from trampling the rights of the minority or of future congresses.”

In other words, Democrats are protecting this rationing “death panel” from future change with a procedural hurdle. You have to ask why they’re so concerned about protecting this particular provision. Could it be because bureaucratic rationing is one important way Democrats want to “bend the cost curve” and keep health care spending down?

The Congressional Budget Office seems to think that such rationing has something to do with cost. In a letter to Harry Reid last week, CBO Director Douglas Elmendorf noted (with a number of caveats) that the bill’s calculations call for a reduction in Medicare’s spending rate by about 2 percent in the next two decades, but then he writes the kicker:

“It is unclear whether such a reduction in the growth rate could be achieved, and if so, whether it would be accomplished through greater efficiencies in the delivery of health care or would reduce access to care or diminish the quality of care.”

Though Nancy Pelosi and friends have tried to call “death panels” the “lie of the year,” this type of rationing – what the CBO calls “reduc[ed] access to care” and “diminish[ed] quality of care” – is precisely what I meant when I used that metaphor.

This health care bill is one of the most far-reaching and expensive expansions of the role of government into our lives. We’re talking about putting one-seventh of our economy under the government’s thumb. We’re also talking about something as intimate to our personal well-being as medical care.

This bill is so unpopular that people on the right and the left hate it. So why go through with it? The Senate is planning to vote on this on Christmas Eve. Why the rush? Though we will begin paying for this bill immediately, we will see no benefits for years. (That’s the trick that allowed the CBO to state that the bill won’t grow the deficit for the next ten years.)

The administration’s promises of transparency and bipartisanship have been broken one by one. This entire process has been defined by midnight votes on weekends, closed-door meetings with industry lobbyists, and payoffs to politicians willing to sell their principles for sweetheart deals. Is it any wonder that Americans are so disillusioned with their leaders in Washington?

This is about politics, not health care. Americans don’t want this bill. Americans don’t like this bill. Washington has stopped listening to us. But we’re paying attention, and 2010 is coming.

- Sarah Palin

Source...

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Nebraska Governor Tells Senator Nelson: Give Your Bribe Back to Harry Reid

Nebraska Republican Governor Heineman told Democratic Senator Ben Nelson to give Majority Leader Harry Reid back his $100 million bribe. Reid slipped the bribe in the Obamacare bill to buy Nelson's vote.

Joke Of The Day

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Cartoon Of The Day: The Declaration Of Dependence

The Passenger

Chris Jones spent 8 years developing this brilliant short film called “The Passenger”, and has details about the entire event on his website from concept to completion.

Joke Of The Day

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this enormous man standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch penis, Turner Brown."

In response, Mike immediately faints and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK?"

In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the same questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds, have a 20-inch penis, and my name is Turner Brown."

Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"

Cartoon Of The Day

Poster Of The Day: Corruption

Blonde Joke Of The Day

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Honorable Men

This is a must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man, and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

Glenn Beck on the Jay Leno Show

Cartoon Of The Day

Jack Bauer Interrogates Santa Clause

Joke Of The Day

Two families moved from Afghanistan to the United States.

When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet:

In a year's time, whichever family had become more Americanized would win.

A year later they met.

The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud... how about you?"

The second man replied, "Screw you, towel head".

Cartoon Of The Day: The Precipice

Nelson Sells Out: Our Congress Has Declared War On It's People

This is truly the winter of our discontent and Revolution is in the air.

Article 1 Section 9 part 6 of the Constitution:

No preference shall be given by by any Regulation of Commerce or Revenue to the Ports of one state over another...

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We’ll be blunt. The ‘health care reform’ legislation under consideration in the Senate is the most corrupt piece of legislation in our nation’s history. Yes, we understand that is a strong statement and there have been other abominations throughout our nation’s life. But never before did corrupt legislation threaten to radically and forever change the live’s of every American.

Exhibit A is the outright bribe extracted by Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Corn Huckster State) from Sen. Harry Reid. As a result of Nelson’s performance in his role of Hamlet in the health care deliberations, we will have two health care systems in this country; one for Nebraska and one for the other 49 states.

In its quixotic attempt to ensure everyone has health insurance, the Reid legislation greatly expands Medicaid eligibility. Because Medicaid is a program whose costs are split between the federal and state governments, this expansion in eligibility raise costs dramatically for states. States will be forced to either raise taxes or cut other services to accommodate the forced increase in Medicaid spending.

Unless that state is Nebraska.

Read more...

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Yes... These are the times that try men's souls.

The Power of Cosmetics

Isn't it amazing what professional makeup artists can do!

Proud Flag-Waving Communists and Socialists March in Copenhagen to Stop Global Warming

Take a look at what else the climate change protesters in Copenhagen were promoting.



Hat tip Uncle Art

Joke Of The Day

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the I talian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?"

Ted Nugent - What Do Deer Think?

This is funny. Ted Nugent made this comment in a May 2006 interview conducted by a British journalist Robert Chalmers. According to snopes it is true.

Ted Nugent, a heavy metal guitar legend and devoted (bow) hunter, was being interviewed by a journalist. Eventually, the conversation turned to his love of outdoor pursuits. The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, "Are you my friend?" or maybe "Are you the one who killed my brother?"

Nugent replied, "I don't think they're capable of either of those thoughts, you Limey asshole. They're only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French."

Cartoon Of The Day: Democratic Party Infighting

The Muppets: Ringing of the Bells

Joke Of The Day

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to heaven. God greets them and says, “Men, make two lines: one for those who dominated their women and one for those who were whipped. All the women can go with St. Peter.”

After about an hour, God returns to find 2.5 billion men standing in the whipped line and only one guy in the dominant line.

“You men should be ashamed of yourselves!” God cries. “I created you in my image, and all of you cowed down to women? Can any of you explain this?” No one dares says a word.

God then turns to the man standing alone and says, “Tell me, my son, how did you manage to be the only one on this line?”

“I don’t know,” the guy replies, shrugging. “My wife told me to stand here.”

Cartoon Of The Day

Ray Stevens - We The People

Ray Stevens has always been interesting, most of the time funny, sometimes serious and always worth listening to. Who can forget Guitarzan and Ahab the Arab? I never knew him to get political like this. What a joy that he is on our side!

This will never get radio airplay, of course, so we need to spread it around as much as we can.

Enjoy!

Larry the Cable Guy's Politically Correct Christmas Story

Larry the Cable Guy reads the Christmas classic Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Enjoy

Joke Of The Day

A little girl was talking to her very Liberal teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Cartoon Of The Day

10 Reasons Why We Know Santa Is A Man

Joke Of The Day

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.
(Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger'.

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

Cartoon Of The Day: How Dinosaurs Became Extinct

Government Recalls 800,000 Doses of Kids Swine Flu Vaccine

I wonder if Obama (D-Kenya) will blame George Bush for this one.

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Health officials are recalling hundreds of thousands of doses of swine flu vaccine after tests indicated they may not be potent enough to protect against the virus.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notified doctors about the recall Tuesday. The recall involves about 800,000 doses made by Sanofi Pasteur. The doses are pre-filled syringes intended for young children, ages 6 months to almost three years.

Health officials recommend children those ages get two doses, spaced about a month apart.

Health officials say it's not clear how many doses have already been given, but they don't think children need to be re-vaccinated. The lots passed potency tests when they were first shipped, but tests indicate the potency waned after.

Source...

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Happy RamaHanuKwanzMas!

Joke Of The Day

A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.

When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.

The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.

The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.

He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

Cartoon Of The Day

Cartoon Of The Day

Joke Of The Day

Remember when Ronald Reagan was President and we had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash?

Now Obama is President and we have no Hope or Cash!

The Economy Is So Bad...

The economy is so bad... That I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad... I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad... If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them..

The economy is so bad... Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad... Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad... A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

The economy is so bad... Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad... Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad... The Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

And finally...
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

There is a positive side to Cash for Clunkers. It's taken seven hundred thousand (700,000) Obama bumper stickers off the road.

Cartoon Of The Day

Obama Prays to Allah

I got this disturbing photo in an email today. I don't know how true the story that accompanies it is. The arches in the background don’t look like anything at the White House. Nevertheless I still think that Obama is a Trojan Horse. Everything he does hurts our country and helps our enemies.

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This is OUR President at a MOSQUE prayer session LAST WEEK AT THE WHITE HOUSE, on the site where the INAUGURATION is held every 4 years!

He canceled OUR CHRISTIAN "NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER"...Now...THIS.

For Obama to continue as our president is an INSULT TO OUR FOUNDING FATHERS!

Read more...

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Hat tip Uncle Art

Joke Of The Day

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy..

"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.

"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."

"This I gotta see," replied the agent.

With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago."

"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"

The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."