Myron Mixon, of the TLC show BBQ Pitmasters, did a cooking demonstration with Craig Ferguson.
Enjoy!
Cross posted at Food Evaluation
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Joke Of The Day
At the Saturday night tent revival the preacher announces, "Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar."Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday."
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sarah Palin To Obama: Terrorist Trials In Civilian Courts Or Military Tribunals?
Sarah's common sense versus Obama's bull crap!
People are celebrating the fact that the Obama Administration is considering relocating the terrorists’ trial from New York to another American city. Yet there’s still no talk of moving the trial out of our U.S. civilian courts to where it should take place – a military tribunal.
Now the administration is backtracking in order to fix its initially blundered decision to try these dangerous terrorists in New York City despite the great danger and cost to New Yorkers. This scenario is all too common in Washington. The tactic is to propose something so outrageous that the public will rise up and demand common sense, and then the White House “concedes” and changes its initial decision to give the impression of newfound reasonability and moderation. But the problem still isn’t solved! The trial location debate becomes a diversion so that we’ll take our eyes off the ball. The point missed is that our President still wants to give these terrorists U.S. constitutional protections in our civilian courts, allowing them to lawyer-up on our dime.
This tactic is in the same vein as another Washington game: creating the appearance of a “crisis” in order to push for a radical solution. (“The health care crisis must be fixed by government now or we’re all gonna die! The earth’s temperature is fluctuating; government must fix this crisis now or we’re all gonna die! Private businesses made poor decisions and bureaucrats claim they’re too big to fail, so government must fix this crisis now or we’re all gonna die!”) Politicians and lobbyists announce that there is a “crisis,” and never letting a good crisis go to waste, they propose a radical solution to fix it. The public listens intently, and in a sincere desire to help, an alternative to the politicians’ radical solution gets put forward. The politicians then “concede” and mellow out their radical solution. The public’s attention has been diverted to tinkering on the periphery, all the while ignoring the real problem at the heart of the “crisis” that started the whole debate.
The fact is our government has a choice as to where to try the terrorists. We don’t have to try them in our civilian courts. The peripheral debate regarding in which city to try these evil, dangerous haters-of-America is a diversion. Let’s get back to the heart of the matter: what choice will our government make – terrorist trials in civilian courts or military tribunals?
- Sarah Palin
Source...
John Pinette "France & Italy"
The entertainment for this weekend is this clip from John Pinette's I'm Starvin'! DVD.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Joke Of The Day
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a tornado that hits a state funeral they’re all attending and are whirled off to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.“What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?”
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I’ve come for some courage.” “No problem!” says the Wizard. “Who is next?”
George W. Bush steps forward, “Well…I…I think I need a heart.” “Done,” says the Wizard. “Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?”
Up steps Barack Obama, who says, “I’m told by the American people that I need a brain.” “Not a problem!” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.” There is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “What do you want?”
Bill looks at him and says, “Where the hell is Dorothy?”
Friday, January 29, 2010
How To Report The News
This is scarily and hilariously accurate!
How to Report the News (some profanity)
How to Report the News (some profanity)
Quote Of The Day
"Some people wonder all their lives if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem." ~ Ronald Reagan
Rush Limbaugh's Letter to President Obama
From the January 28, 2010 edition of the Rush Limbaugh Show: Rush reads his letter to President Obama.
Joke Of Te Day: Irish Coffee
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido."What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"
"Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Bob Hope Quotes
Bob Hope is one of the world's most recognizable and beloved comedians. From his numerous radio and television shows to his shows with U.S. Troops around the world and much, much, more, Hope put a smile on the faces of all those in his presence. Read on to enjoy some laughs, courtesy of Bob Hope. On Turning 70"You still chase women, but only downhill". On Turning 80
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing..." On Turning 90
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." On Turning 100
"I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap." On giving up his early career, boxing
"I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them." On never winning an Oscar
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'." On golf
"Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees." On Presidents
"I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six." "I've always enjoyed playing golf with a President. The only problem is that there are so many Secret Service men around there's not much chance to cheat." "Clinton had the best score, Ford the most errors, and Bush the most hits. Me, I cheated better than ever." On Gerald Ford: "I've gotten a lot of mileage from my Jerry Ford jokes. So it's fun to introduce him at dinners with lines like "You all know Jerry Ford - one of my most prized possessions is the Purple Heart I received for all the golf I've played with him." On Eisenhower: "By the time that Ike was elected President in 1952, his devotion to golf had become legendary. No administration ever had more sun-tanned Secret Service men." On why he chose showbiz for his career
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham'." On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." On his family's early poverty
"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." On his six brothers
"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." On his early failures
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." On going to heaven
"I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
Joke Of The Day
A Cajun who died went to hell. The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others.The devil came back sometime later surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as sweating here where everyone else is screaming for relief from the heat?" The Cajun laughed and said, "Man, I was raised in the bayous of Sout Looziana. Dis ain't nothin' but May in Morgan City to me!"
The devil decided to really put the Cajun through it. He put him in a sealed off cave in the pit with open blazes and four extra furnaces blasting. When he came back, days later, the Cajun was sitting pretty,had barely begun to bead up with sweat. The devil was outraged.
"How is this possible!? You should be melted to a shrieking puddle in these conditions!."
The Cajun laughed even harder than before. "Hey, man! I done tole you. I was raised in Sout Looziana. You tink dis is heat?! Dis ain't nothin' but August in Cow Island !"
So the devil thought, 'Alright, a little reverse ought to do the trick.'He put the Cajun into a corner of hell where no heat ever reached. It
was freezing and to add to the Cajun's misery, he added massive icebergs and blasting frozen air. When he returned, the Cajun was shivering, ice hung from every part of him but he was grinning like it was Christmas.
Exasperated, the devil asked "HOW!? How is it possible?! You're impervious to heat and here you sit in conditions you can't be used to...freezing cold and yet you're happier than if you were in heaven.WHY?!"
The Cajun kept grinning and asked, "Don't dis mean de Saints is in da Super Bowl?"
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Krauthammer on Obama's Budget Cuts: A Q-Tip Not a Scalpel, A Fraud... Lunch Money
Charles Krauthammer commented on Barack Obama's proposed budget cuts. He called them a fraud, lunch money.
Joke Of The Day
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Mr. President: Please Try, "I'm Listening, People," Instead of "Listen Up, People!"
Sarah Palin gives some common sense advice to the Kenyan!
We’ve now seen three landslide Republican victories in three states that President Obama carried in 2008. From the tea parties to the town halls to the Massachusetts Miracle, Americans have tried to make their opposition to Washington’s big government agenda loud and clear. But the President has decided that this current discontent isn’t his fault, it’s ours. He seems to think we just don’t understand what’s going on because he hasn’t had the chance – in his 411 speeches and 158 interviews last year – to adequately explain his policies to us.
Instead of sensibly telling the American people, “I’m listening,” the president is saying, “Listen up, people!” This approach is precisely the reason people are upset with Washington. Americans understand the president’s policies. We just don’t agree with them. But the president has refused to shift focus and come around to the center from the far left. Instead he and his old campaign advisers are regrouping to put a new spin on the same old agenda for 2010.
Americans aren’t looking for more political strategists. We’re looking for real leadership that listens and delivers results. The president’s former campaign adviser is now calling on supporters to “get on the same page,” but what’s on that page? He claims that the president is “resolved” to “keep fighting for” his agenda, but we’ve already seen what that government-growth agenda involves, and frankly the hype doesn’t give us much hope. Real health care reform requires a free market approach; real job creation involves incentivizing, not punishing, the job-creators; reining in the “big banks” means ending bailouts; and stopping “the undue influence of lobbyists” means not cutting deals with them behind closed doors.
Instead of real leadership, though, we’ve had broken promises and backroom deals. One of the worst: candidate Obama promised to go through the federal budget “with a scalpel,” but President Obama spent four times more than his predecessor. Want more? Candidate Obama promised that lobbyists “won’t find a job in my White House,” but President Obama gave at least a dozen former lobbyists top administration jobs. Candidate Obama promised us that we could view his health care deliberations openly and honestly on C-SPAN, but President Obama cut deals behind closed doors with industry lobbyists. Candidate Obama promised us that we would have at least five days to read all major legislation, but President Obama rushed through bills before members of Congress could even read them.
Candidate Obama promised us that his economic stimulus package would be targeted and pork-free, but President Obama signed a stimulus bill loaded with pork and goodies for corporate cronies. Candidate Obama railed against Wall Street greed, but President Obama cozied up to bankers as he extended and expanded their bailouts. Candidate Obama promised us that for “Every dollar that I’ve proposed [in spending], I’ve proposed an additional cut so that it matches.” We’re still waiting to see how President Obama will cut spending to match the trillion he’s spent.
More than anything, Americans were promised jobs, but the president’s stimulus package has failed to stem our rising unemployment rate. Maybe it was unfair to expect that an administration with so little private sector experience would understand something about job creation. How many Obama Administration officials have ever had to make a payroll or craft a business plan in the private sector? How many have had to worry about not having the resources to invest and expand? The president’s big government policies have made hiring a new employee a difficult commitment for employers to make. Ask yourself if the Obama Administration has done anything to make it easier for employers to hire. Have they given us any reassurance that the president will keep taxes low and not impose expensive new regulations?
Candidate Obama over-promised; President Obama has under-delivered. We understand you, Mr. President. We’ve listened to you again and again. We ask that you now listen to the American people.
- Sarah Palin
Source...
Joke Of The Day
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir.."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir?
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"
Monday, January 25, 2010
No Rules for Radicals
Inspired by Saul Alinsky's book, "Rules for Radicals" and how it has become the 'liberal primer' for the now flaming socialist Democrat Party.
Joke Of The Day
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous.."
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Glenn Beck's "The Revolutionary Holocaust: Live Free or Die" Documentary
Glenn Beck's "The Revolutionary Holocaust: Live Free Or Die," was outstanding. Unfortunately those who really need to see it will refuse to watch it. Part 1 Part 2
Killer Chic: Hollywood's Sick Love Affair with Che Guevara
Giselle Bundchen wears him on her bikini. Johnny Depp wears him around his neck. And Benicio del Toro becomes him in Steven Soderbergh's by-all-accounts-fawning four-hour biopic, Che, now in limited release.
Del Toro, who took home best actor honors at Cannes earlier this year, is already earning Oscar whispers for his performance. But "Che" is only the latest sign of Hollywood's infatuation with Guevara, Castro, and other dictatorial goons (recently, Sean Penn had a cover story in The Nation lamenting unfair media coverage of the tyrannical Cuban and Venezuelan regimes).
"Killer Chic" tours the hellholes of totalitarianism through the eyes of Paquito D'Rivera, who left Cuba for artistic freedom and ended up becoming a Grammy Award-winning jazz player, and Kai Chen, a former member of the Chinese national basketball team whose relatives were hauled off under Mao Zedong's Cultural Revolution. "Killer Chic" is a fascinating and troubling foray into Hollywood's shallow--and callow--appropriation of murderous thugs.
Watch Reason.tv’s 10-minute documentary, Killer Chic: Hollywood’s Sick Love Affair With Che Guevara, by clicking below.
Del Toro, who took home best actor honors at Cannes earlier this year, is already earning Oscar whispers for his performance. But "Che" is only the latest sign of Hollywood's infatuation with Guevara, Castro, and other dictatorial goons (recently, Sean Penn had a cover story in The Nation lamenting unfair media coverage of the tyrannical Cuban and Venezuelan regimes).
"Killer Chic" tours the hellholes of totalitarianism through the eyes of Paquito D'Rivera, who left Cuba for artistic freedom and ended up becoming a Grammy Award-winning jazz player, and Kai Chen, a former member of the Chinese national basketball team whose relatives were hauled off under Mao Zedong's Cultural Revolution. "Killer Chic" is a fascinating and troubling foray into Hollywood's shallow--and callow--appropriation of murderous thugs.
Watch Reason.tv’s 10-minute documentary, Killer Chic: Hollywood’s Sick Love Affair With Che Guevara, by clicking below.
Joke Of The Day
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. Because she was very attractive, he agreed.
Shortly afterward she said, "I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."
My Worst Nightmare!
In my nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black.
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. I realized it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled! I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.'
'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo..... I'm bald!
The telephone rings. It's my brother.
He says, 'Since Mom and Dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap.... Any job.'
Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo.... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!
I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.
But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!
With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.
I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker.... Pacemaker?
Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood!
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart throb, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?
Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish, homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please,
Oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a Democrat!
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. I realized it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled! I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.'
'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo..... I'm bald!
The telephone rings. It's my brother.
He says, 'Since Mom and Dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap.... Any job.'
Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo.... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!
I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.
But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!
With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.
I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker.... Pacemaker?
Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood!
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart throb, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?
Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish, homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please,
Oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a Democrat!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Economics 101: Moral Hazard
This CF&P Foundation's Economics 101 video discusses the Moral Hazard, which occurs when bad choices are subsidized. This often happens when government intervention lets people take risks while having little or no skin in the game. Housing policies, for instance, subsidized mortgages, thus enabling irresponsible borrowing and leading to bubbles and bailouts. Politicians may be setting the stage for the next crisis with a too big to fail policy that will subsidize the biggest financial institutions.
Joke Of The Day: Monkey and the Cue Ball
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender says "hey you cant bring pets in here!" The man replies "don't worry, he's trained. He wont mess anything up."The bartender agrees to let the man and his monkey in. While the man sits down, the monkey hops on the bar and eats a cherry, then jumps on the pool table and swallows the cue ball whole.
Furious, the bartender says "get your monkey out of here! I cant have him eating things like that."
A few days later, the man enters the bar again with the monkey on his shoulder. "Didn't i tell you to get that monkey out of here?" The bartender asks. "Its okay," the man says. He wont do it again.
The monkey hops on the bar, grabs a cherry, shoves it up his butt, pulls it out, then eats it. "What the hell is he doing?" asks the bartender.
"Measuring." the man replies. "he learned his lesson with the cue ball"
How Not to Catch a Spider
Do not attempt this at home!
In this video, “Daddy” tries to remove a Huntsman spider from his home. His daughter has some choice words for him afterwards.
In this video, “Daddy” tries to remove a Huntsman spider from his home. His daughter has some choice words for him afterwards.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!
I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"
I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!
Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.
I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.
Poe's "The Raven" if Written by a Cat
The End of the Raven -- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat
On a night quite unenchanting,
when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven,
in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered,
I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out,
"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity,
while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.
On a night quite unenchanting,
when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven,
in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered,
I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out,
"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity,
while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.
Joke Of The Day
Barack Obama walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He notices a monkey in a cage behind the bar and asks about it.“You don’t want to know,” answers the bartender.
A few beers later, the Obama says, “Come on, I gotta know what the deal is with the monkey.”
“OK, I’ll show you,” says the bartender. He then takes the animal out of the cage and whacks it on the head with a bat. The monkey pulls down the bartender’s pants and starts kissing his ass. He looks at Obama and says, “You want to try it?”
“Hell, yeah,” Obama says. “But don’t hit me that hard.”
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Obama Blames Bush for Martha Coakley Loss in Massachusetts
Let's see... Obama blames George W. Bush for a Democrat loss in Massachusetts. Bush is responsible for handing over the seat that was occupied by Ted Kennedy for decades to a Republican.
Does this make any sense at all?
Does this make any sense at all?
Joke Of The Day
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington, D.C. parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside.He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly made a phone call.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied, "Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was silence on the line for a moment, and Father O'Malley replied:
"Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Boston Tea Party
God bless all those who fought for their country yesterday. It was a very big day, but yet just another step in the fight back for our country!
Hope and Change comes by way of Massachusetts!
'It is to me a new and consolatory proof that wherever the people are well-informed they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights."
—Thomas Jefferson to Richard Price, January 8, 1789.
Two hundred and twenty-one years later, the sage of Monticello has been proven right again. Aroused and well-informed by a year of watching a liberal majority go very far wrong, Massachusetts voters handed a Senate seat held by Ted Kennedy for 47 years to Republican Scott Brown, a little known state senator from Wrenthem.
The resounding five-point victory in one of America's most liberal states is an upset heard 'round Washington—and one that ought to force Democrats to rethink their entire agenda, national health care in particular. Despite an 11th-hour intervention by President Obama in a state he carried with ease only 14 months ago, state Attorney General Martha Coakley was routed even in such unlikely tea-party outposts as Andover (58%) and amid a large turnout for a midwinter special election.
Read more...
Hope and Change comes by way of Massachusetts!
Joke Of The Day
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My Colonoscopy Journal
If you ever had a colonoscopy or are planning on one, this is for you!
For my 50th birthday, my wife decided to give me the ultimate gift. She made an appointment for me with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. When she told me this, I complained a little while my mind was shrieking, 'THERE GOING TO STICK A TUBE 15,000 FEET UP YOUR BUTT!'
A few days after the appointment was made, I received instructions in the mail on how to prepare for this joyous event. I was to purchase three products; Dulcolax tablets, a 238 gram bottle of MiraLAX and 64 ounces of Gatorade. I will discuss the use of these products in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow this combination of products to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.
My wife assured me everything would be alright and to ease my mind a little, she would join me in the whole cleansing process.
I spent the next few weeks productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was black coffee, Jell-O and chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. My wife, true to her word, stuck to the diet also.
Then, at 3 that afternoon we started the cleansing process by swallowing 4 Dulcolax tablets. At this point I started to worry that, with my wife joining me; we could be in trouble if an emergency popped up. What if something happened to one of the kids and both parents were bound to the bowl? Oh well… too late!
At 5 that evening it was time for the MiraLAX. You mix all 238 grams with the 64 ounces of Gatorade. Then you have to drink all of this special tasty mixture 8 ounces at a time every 15 minutes. This takes about two hours. They should actually make this one of the challenges on “Survivor”.
At about 8 that evening I started to feel the rumblings in my bowels. Let me be clear; this combination of Dulcolax and MiraLAX is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, we finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous but tried not to show it… me being a man and all. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on a nurse or the Doctor?' How do you apologize for something like that?
At the clinic all the people in the waiting room had the same apprehensive pale look on their faces. I had to sign a few forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then I left my wife in the waiting room as they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then the nurse, who was very nice, told me that some people put vodka in their MiraLAX/Gatorade concoction. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
Finally, after she explained the procedure, she put a little needle in a vein in my right hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but she was very good, and I was already lying down.
When everything was ready, I was wheeled into the procedure room, where the Doctor was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 15,000-foot tube, but I knew they had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
The Doctor had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said the Doctor, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for weeks... If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
The nurse was looking down at me telling me that she heard me “releasing air” and asking me how I felt. I said I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent now that IT was all over.
For my 50th birthday, my wife decided to give me the ultimate gift. She made an appointment for me with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. When she told me this, I complained a little while my mind was shrieking, 'THERE GOING TO STICK A TUBE 15,000 FEET UP YOUR BUTT!'
A few days after the appointment was made, I received instructions in the mail on how to prepare for this joyous event. I was to purchase three products; Dulcolax tablets, a 238 gram bottle of MiraLAX and 64 ounces of Gatorade. I will discuss the use of these products in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow this combination of products to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.
My wife assured me everything would be alright and to ease my mind a little, she would join me in the whole cleansing process.
I spent the next few weeks productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was black coffee, Jell-O and chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. My wife, true to her word, stuck to the diet also.
Then, at 3 that afternoon we started the cleansing process by swallowing 4 Dulcolax tablets. At this point I started to worry that, with my wife joining me; we could be in trouble if an emergency popped up. What if something happened to one of the kids and both parents were bound to the bowl? Oh well… too late!
At 5 that evening it was time for the MiraLAX. You mix all 238 grams with the 64 ounces of Gatorade. Then you have to drink all of this special tasty mixture 8 ounces at a time every 15 minutes. This takes about two hours. They should actually make this one of the challenges on “Survivor”.
At about 8 that evening I started to feel the rumblings in my bowels. Let me be clear; this combination of Dulcolax and MiraLAX is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, we finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous but tried not to show it… me being a man and all. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on a nurse or the Doctor?' How do you apologize for something like that?
At the clinic all the people in the waiting room had the same apprehensive pale look on their faces. I had to sign a few forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then I left my wife in the waiting room as they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then the nurse, who was very nice, told me that some people put vodka in their MiraLAX/Gatorade concoction. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
Finally, after she explained the procedure, she put a little needle in a vein in my right hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but she was very good, and I was already lying down.
When everything was ready, I was wheeled into the procedure room, where the Doctor was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 15,000-foot tube, but I knew they had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
The Doctor had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said the Doctor, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for weeks... If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
The nurse was looking down at me telling me that she heard me “releasing air” and asking me how I felt. I said I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent now that IT was all over.
Steven Wright Quotes
Steven Wright is a very dry and laconic American comedian with a surreal sense of humour. Here are some quotes from him.
Enjoy!
1. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
2. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
3. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
4. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
5. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
6. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
7. How young can you die of old age?
8. I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
9. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
10. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
11. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
12. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
13. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
14. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
15. I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
16. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
17. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
18. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
19. I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
20. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
21. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
22. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
23. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
24. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
25. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
26. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
27. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
29. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
30. If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
31. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
32. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
33. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
34. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
35. Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
36. What's another word for Thesaurus?
37. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
38. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Enjoy!
1. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
2. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
3. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
4. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
5. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
6. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
7. How young can you die of old age?
8. I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
9. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
10. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
11. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
12. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
13. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
14. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
15. I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
16. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
17. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
18. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
19. I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
20. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
21. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
22. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
23. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
24. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
25. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
26. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
27. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
29. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
30. If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
31. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
32. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
33. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
34. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
35. Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
36. What's another word for Thesaurus?
37. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
38. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Joke Of The Day
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.The teacher told him to go down to the Principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his thing hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'
Monday, January 18, 2010
Why Do Members Of The Obama Administration Seem To Know So Little About Business?
In case you missed it, on a recent Glenn Beck Show, he had a graph that illustrated the percentage of each past president's cabinet who had worked in the private business sector prior to their appointment to the cabinet. You know what the private business sector is... a real life business, not a government job. Here are the percentages.
T. Roosevelt........ 38%
Taft......................40%
Wilson ................. 52%
Harding................49%
Coolidge.............. 48%
Hoover................. 42%
F. Roosevelt......... 50%
Truman.................50%
Eisenhower.......... 57%
Kennedy.............. 30%
Johnson................47%
Nixon................... 53%
Ford..................... 42%
Carter................... 32%
Reagan.................56%
GH Bush.............. 51%
Clinton ................. 39%
GW Bush............. 55%
And the winner of the Chicken Dinner is.............. Obama................. 8% ! Yep! That's right! Only Eight Percent! The least by far of the last 19 presidents! And these people are trying to tell our big corporations how to run their business? They know what's best for GM...Chrysler... Wall Street... and you and me? How can the president of a major nation and society...the one with the most successful economic system in world history... stand and talk about business when he's never worked for one?.. or about jobs when he has never really had one??! And neither has 92% of his senior staff and closest advisers! They've spent most of their time in academia, government and/or non-profit jobs....or as "community organizers" ..when they should have been in an employment line. MAY GOD HELP US THROUGH THIS TRIAL!
Joke Of The Day
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Ride on a U-2 Spy Plane With James May
James May takes a trip to edge of space in a U-2 spy plane.
From James May On The Moon DVD.
From James May On The Moon DVD.
Joke Of The Day
A man joins a Tibetan temple. He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year.After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says, “More blankets.”
Another year passes, and he visits the head monk and says, “More food.”
The man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but he’s drained by the long work days. He calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say, “I’m leaving.”
“Good,” the head monk replies. “You’ve done nothing but whine since you got here.”
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Suicidal Muslims
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide .. Let's see now..
- No Jesus
- No Christmas
- No television
- No cheerleaders
- No Nude Women
- No car races
- No football
- No soccer
- No golf
- No tailgate parties
- No pork BBQ
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No chocolate chip cookies
- No lobster
- No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
- No nachos
- No Beer nuts
- No Beer !!!!!!!!
- Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
- Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
- Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
- More than one wife.
- You can't shave.
- Your wives can't shave.
- You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
- The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
- Your bride is picked by someone else.
- She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.
- Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
Jimmy Fallon Covers 'Pants on the Ground' As Neil Young
Jimmy Fallon does his version of American Idol 2010 contestant Larry Platt's "Pants on the Ground".
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Joke Of The Day
The priest of a small Irish village had a pet rooster. One afternoon, he noticed that the rooster was missing. He suspected that it had been stolen to be used in cockfighting.
At mass the next morning, he asked the congregation, “Has anyone got a cock?”
All the men stood up.
“No, no,” he said. "That wasn’t what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock?”
All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said. “That wasn’t what I meant either.
Has anyone seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?”
Half of the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said.
“Perhaps I ought to rephrase the question.
Has anyone here seen my cock?”
All the choirboys stood up.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Joke Of The Day
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00. She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34..50 please.' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34..50?' He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Veggiegate
The Iron Chef special from the White House used "stunt double vegetables" instead of vegetables grow in the White House garden. I knew it was fake. Fresh from the White House garden... in the middle of Winter?
Cross posted at Food Evaluation
Source...
The produce used on the Food Network's Jan. 3 Iron Chef of America two-hour special White House show was billed as being from the White House garden. But the show did not disclose that "stunt double vegetables" were used and not produce from the First Family's garden.
The much ballyhooed show featured a cameo by First Lady Michelle Obama who invited the chefs to pick what they needed from the White House garden in the opening scenes. Mrs. Obama agreed to appear --and give the show access to the garden -- because the episode promoted her healthy eating themes and the garden, her signature first-year project. Iron Chef also reaches an audience that would be interested in Mrs. Obama's local food, anti-obesity and exercise agenda.
The cook-off featured White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford and star chefs Bobby Flay, Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse. At the top of the show the chefs were greeted by Mrs. Obama who invites them to harvest what they needed from the White House garden in order to complete their challenge of preparing five "ultimate American" dishes using fresh and local ingredients. Comerford, teamed with Flay won the competition. Click play below to watch a segment from the start of the show (Michelle Obama's entrance at 1:30).
Comerford wrote about the experience over at the whitehouse.gov blog.
"Because this competition was about fresh fruits and vegetables, but also about the American experience, Chef Flay and I decided to cook to our strengths and to our heritages. To highlight the diversity of culinary traditions and flavors that define our country, Chef Flay cooked with his southwestern flair, I brought in recipes from my native Philippines, and we blended it all with unique takes on classic American recipes."
The White House segment was taped in late October. The cook-off actually took place the following week, in what Iron Chef calls its "Kitchen Stadium" in New York City.
So clearly the stuff that was picked that October day at the White House never had a chance of making it on the show because the produce would not be fresh. The use of the "stunt vegetables" was revealed in a November New York Times Marian Burros article and in Obamafoodorama.com, Eddie Gehman Kohan's web site-of-record on anything having to do with food and food policy coming out of the Obama White House. But no one knew until the show if the "stunt double" vegetables would be disclosed.
Viewers were not explicitly told that the vegetables in "Kitchen Stadium" were not the ones they had seen the chefs harvest. Various participants in the show misled viewers with references to "using radishes from the White House garden" and other similar mentions. Except for the honey, no food on the show came from the White House.
Mrs. Obama's East Wing told me the vegetables picked at the White House garden that day in October were donated to a local food kitchen, so nothing went to waste. The week between the harvest the cook-off was due to "scheduling/technical" reasons.
Lisa Krueger, the public relations director for the Food Network, sent an e-mail to me after I raised questions about why viewers were misled.
"As we have told reporters who have covered this story from the beginning, due to the production delay between the shoot at the White House and the shoot at Food Network, the produce used in Kitchen Stadium during the "Super Chef Battle" was not actually from the White House garden." The actual vegetables used, Krueger said, were "locally sourced, and the chefs were only allowed to use the types of produce that they had harvested from the garden themselves."
Obamafoodarama reported that the ratings for the White House Iron Chef of America special "set new viewer records for Food Network. ....With about 4.6 million viewers, it was the highest rated and most-watched show in Food Network's history."
Cross posted at Food Evaluation
Joke Of The Day
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”
The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?”
Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck –” and the farmer shot him.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
How To Tell If You Are Drunk
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT’S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT’S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Joke Of The Day
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don 't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened politely to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Joe Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy Ads
Citing White House Pressure, Hennessy pulled the Biden ads saying "Joe will always epitomize the smooth, original style of our world class cognac."
The Fundamental Transformation of America!
When asked about questionable matters involving the new President, those who worship him say it doesn't matter. Here are some of those items:
When Obama wrote a book and said he was mentored as a youth by Frank, (Frank Marshall Davis) an avowed Communist.
When it was discovered his grandparents were strong socialists, sent Obama's mother to a socialist school and introduced Frank Marshall Davis to young Obama.
When people found out he was enrolled as a Muslim child in school and his father and step father were both Muslims.
When he wrote in another book he authored "I will stand with them (Muslims) should the political winds shift in an ugly direction".
When he admitted in his book he chose Marxist friends and professors in college.
When he traveled to Pakistan after college on an unknown national passport, (it could NOT have been a US passport as the US didn't have diplomatic relations with Pakistan at the time).
When he sought the endorsement of the Marxist party in 1996 when he ran for the Illinois Senate.
When he sat in a Chicago Church for twenty years and listened to a preacher spew hatred for America and preach black liberation theology.
When an independent Washington organization, that tracks senate voting records, gave him the distinctive title as the "most liberal senator".
When the Palestinians in Gaza set up a fund raising telethon to raise money for his election campaign.
When his voting record supported gun control.
When he refused to disclose who donated money to his election campaign, as other candidates had done.
When he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan, Mummar Kadaffi and Hugo Chavez.
When it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing.
When he chose friends and acquaintances, such as Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn, who were unrepentant revolutionary radicals.
When his voting record in the Illinois senate and in the U.S. Senate came into question.
When he refused to wear a flag lapel pin until after there was a public outcry.
When people started treating him as a Messiah and children in schools were taught to sing his praises.
When he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance.
When he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition.
When he aired his views on abortion, homosexuality and a host of other issues.
When he said he favors sex education in kindergarten, including homosexual indoctrination.
When his background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing could be found about him.
When he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco, a man of questionable character, who is now in prison and had helped Obama to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home.
When it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist and Nazi sympathizer and money man behind MoveOn.org and other radical leftist organizations, spent a ton of money to get him elected.
When he started appointing "czars" without Senate approval that were radicals, revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist/Communist.
When he stood before the nation and told us that his intentions were to "fundamentally transform this nation" into something else.
When it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and served as an attorney for ACORN.
When he said that he consults with Andrew Stern (the most frequent visitor to the White House) and SEIU before making any important policy decisions.
When he appointed cabinet members and several advisors who were tax cheats and socialists.
When he appointed a science czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers.
When he appointed Cass Sunstein as regulatory czar and he believes in "Explicit Consent," harvesting human organs without family consent, and to allow animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting.
When he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual, and organizer of a group called gay, lesbian, straight, Education network, as safe school czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to teenagers.
When he appointed Mark Lloyd as diversity czar and he believed in curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread the wealth and admires Hugo Chavez.
When Valerie Jarrett was selected as Obama's senior White House advisor and she is an avowed Socialist.
When Anita Dunn, White House Communications director said Mao Tse Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for inspiration.
When he appointed Carol Browner as global warming czar, and she is a well known socialist working on Cap and Trade as the nation's largest tax.
When he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as green energy czar, who since had to resign when this was made known.
When Tom Daschle, Obama's pick for health and human services secretary could not be confirmed, because he was a tax cheat.
When as president of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia and the Emperor of Japan.
When he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once talking of her greatness.
When his actions concerning the middle-east seemed to support the Palestinians over Israel, our long time friend.
When he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of Palestinians from Gaza to the United States.
When he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense system against the Russians.
When he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops the Field Commanders said we had to have to win.
When he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could never pay it off.
When he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used it to pay off organizations, unions and individuals that got him elected.
When he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.
When he took away student loans from the banks and put them through the government.
When he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it under government control.
When he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy in the United States through Cap and Trade.
When he announced he was returning the masterminds of 9/11 to New York City to stand trial as ordinary criminals -- not war criminals -- and thus allow them the benefits from our system of jurisprudence, the mainstream media loved it and the people said it didn't matter.(Oh really? Go ask an FDNY FF, NYPD Cop, NY EMS, NY Port Authority Cop or Transit Worker, or a 9/11 Families member who was at the World Trade Center 9/11/2001 and see if it matters.)
When he finally completed his transformation of America into a Socialist State, people finally woke up, but it was too late.
Any one of these things, in and of themselves does not really matter. But when you add them up one by one you get a phenomenal score that points to the fact that our Obama is determined to make America over into a Marxist/Socialist society. All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place. All can be documented very easily. Before you disavow this, do an Internet search. The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will write that paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy ending for most of America ? Personally, I like happy endings.
If you are an Obama Supporter, please recognize that you have elected a president who is a 'socialist'. There is simply no debate about these facts. But you need to seek the truth; you will be richer for it. Don't just belittle the opposition. Search for the truth. I did. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Constitutionalist, Libertarians and what have you, we all need to pull together. We all must pull together or watch the demise of a society that we all love and cherish. If you are a religious person, pray for our nation.
Never before in the history of America have we been confronted with problems so huge that the very existence of our country is in jeopardy. Don't rely on most television news and what you read in the newspapers for the truth. Search the internet. Yes, there is a lot of bad information, lies and distortions there as well, but you are smart enough to spot the fallacies. Newspapers are a dying breed. They are currently seeking a bailout from the government. Do you really think they are about to print the truth? Obama praises all the television news networks except Fox who he is currently waging an open war against. There must be a reason. He does not call them down on any specifics, and he has failed to refute any facts presented – because it is all true. If they lie, he should call them out on it but he doesn't. Please, find the truth, it will set you free.
Our biggest enemy is not China, Russia or Iran; no, our biggest enemy is the current contingent of politicians in Washington DC led by the Progressive Left Liberals who support the previously mentioned things.
Wake Up America! There's still time in 2010 to take back America and send a message LOUD and CLEAR to those who think "it doesn't matter."
I happen to think "it does matter."
Pass this on!
When Obama wrote a book and said he was mentored as a youth by Frank, (Frank Marshall Davis) an avowed Communist.
When it was discovered his grandparents were strong socialists, sent Obama's mother to a socialist school and introduced Frank Marshall Davis to young Obama.
When people found out he was enrolled as a Muslim child in school and his father and step father were both Muslims.
When he wrote in another book he authored "I will stand with them (Muslims) should the political winds shift in an ugly direction".
When he admitted in his book he chose Marxist friends and professors in college.
When he traveled to Pakistan after college on an unknown national passport, (it could NOT have been a US passport as the US didn't have diplomatic relations with Pakistan at the time).
When he sought the endorsement of the Marxist party in 1996 when he ran for the Illinois Senate.
When he sat in a Chicago Church for twenty years and listened to a preacher spew hatred for America and preach black liberation theology.
When an independent Washington organization, that tracks senate voting records, gave him the distinctive title as the "most liberal senator".
When the Palestinians in Gaza set up a fund raising telethon to raise money for his election campaign.
When his voting record supported gun control.
When he refused to disclose who donated money to his election campaign, as other candidates had done.
When he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan, Mummar Kadaffi and Hugo Chavez.
When it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing.
When he chose friends and acquaintances, such as Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn, who were unrepentant revolutionary radicals.
When his voting record in the Illinois senate and in the U.S. Senate came into question.
When he refused to wear a flag lapel pin until after there was a public outcry.
When people started treating him as a Messiah and children in schools were taught to sing his praises.
When he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance.
When he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition.
When he aired his views on abortion, homosexuality and a host of other issues.
When he said he favors sex education in kindergarten, including homosexual indoctrination.
When his background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing could be found about him.
When he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco, a man of questionable character, who is now in prison and had helped Obama to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home.
When it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist and Nazi sympathizer and money man behind MoveOn.org and other radical leftist organizations, spent a ton of money to get him elected.
When he started appointing "czars" without Senate approval that were radicals, revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist/Communist.
When he stood before the nation and told us that his intentions were to "fundamentally transform this nation" into something else.
When it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and served as an attorney for ACORN.
When he said that he consults with Andrew Stern (the most frequent visitor to the White House) and SEIU before making any important policy decisions.
When he appointed cabinet members and several advisors who were tax cheats and socialists.
When he appointed a science czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers.
When he appointed Cass Sunstein as regulatory czar and he believes in "Explicit Consent," harvesting human organs without family consent, and to allow animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting.
When he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual, and organizer of a group called gay, lesbian, straight, Education network, as safe school czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to teenagers.
When he appointed Mark Lloyd as diversity czar and he believed in curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread the wealth and admires Hugo Chavez.
When Valerie Jarrett was selected as Obama's senior White House advisor and she is an avowed Socialist.
When Anita Dunn, White House Communications director said Mao Tse Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for inspiration.
When he appointed Carol Browner as global warming czar, and she is a well known socialist working on Cap and Trade as the nation's largest tax.
When he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as green energy czar, who since had to resign when this was made known.
When Tom Daschle, Obama's pick for health and human services secretary could not be confirmed, because he was a tax cheat.
When as president of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia and the Emperor of Japan.
When he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once talking of her greatness.
When his actions concerning the middle-east seemed to support the Palestinians over Israel, our long time friend.
When he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of Palestinians from Gaza to the United States.
When he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense system against the Russians.
When he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops the Field Commanders said we had to have to win.
When he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could never pay it off.
When he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used it to pay off organizations, unions and individuals that got him elected.
When he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.
When he took away student loans from the banks and put them through the government.
When he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it under government control.
When he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy in the United States through Cap and Trade.
When he announced he was returning the masterminds of 9/11 to New York City to stand trial as ordinary criminals -- not war criminals -- and thus allow them the benefits from our system of jurisprudence, the mainstream media loved it and the people said it didn't matter.(Oh really? Go ask an FDNY FF, NYPD Cop, NY EMS, NY Port Authority Cop or Transit Worker, or a 9/11 Families member who was at the World Trade Center 9/11/2001 and see if it matters.)
When he finally completed his transformation of America into a Socialist State, people finally woke up, but it was too late.
Any one of these things, in and of themselves does not really matter. But when you add them up one by one you get a phenomenal score that points to the fact that our Obama is determined to make America over into a Marxist/Socialist society. All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place. All can be documented very easily. Before you disavow this, do an Internet search. The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will write that paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy ending for most of America ? Personally, I like happy endings.
If you are an Obama Supporter, please recognize that you have elected a president who is a 'socialist'. There is simply no debate about these facts. But you need to seek the truth; you will be richer for it. Don't just belittle the opposition. Search for the truth. I did. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Constitutionalist, Libertarians and what have you, we all need to pull together. We all must pull together or watch the demise of a society that we all love and cherish. If you are a religious person, pray for our nation.
Never before in the history of America have we been confronted with problems so huge that the very existence of our country is in jeopardy. Don't rely on most television news and what you read in the newspapers for the truth. Search the internet. Yes, there is a lot of bad information, lies and distortions there as well, but you are smart enough to spot the fallacies. Newspapers are a dying breed. They are currently seeking a bailout from the government. Do you really think they are about to print the truth? Obama praises all the television news networks except Fox who he is currently waging an open war against. There must be a reason. He does not call them down on any specifics, and he has failed to refute any facts presented – because it is all true. If they lie, he should call them out on it but he doesn't. Please, find the truth, it will set you free.
Our biggest enemy is not China, Russia or Iran; no, our biggest enemy is the current contingent of politicians in Washington DC led by the Progressive Left Liberals who support the previously mentioned things.
Wake Up America! There's still time in 2010 to take back America and send a message LOUD and CLEAR to those who think "it doesn't matter."
I happen to think "it does matter."
Pass this on!
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